Held in the Middle
From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2
There are years that feel like decades—years that stretch you so far you wonder how you’re still standing. And as we step into December, and we ready for a new year— I’ve been reflecting on just how much this one year has had. Thanks to my friend Mariah who kept me from having a complete melt down…she reminded me of everything that I have been walking through this year.
This has not been a “rough week” kind of season...this has been a God, how did I even make it through this year?? kind of season.
I started off the year with a brand new job. My brother passed. My son relapsed. Both of my fathers battled life threatening healh issues-and I almost lost them both. My mom recieved her new diagnosis. DJ had his health scare. We lost Shaka our dog unexpectedly. My son struggling with his mental health, my daughters living situation 100s of miles away changing and knowing she is alone, again and again, my mama heart has been on its knees. The challenges at work that stretch and grow you when you dont feel like stretching or growing. And right when I felt like I had no strength left, state showed up for survey.
It has been A LOT. More than one heart shoulf have to hold in a single year.
And somewhere in the middle of tears, prayers, fear, numbness, strecgth, and surviaval mode…I found myself asking God: How am I supposed to hold all of this?? This past year I have been living in tension. The heaviness with my son, the grief of losing my brother, the pressure of leading a new team, the worry of aging parents health, the navigation of healing old wounds, the uncertainty of whats next, the responsibility for showing up for my team, the emotions I didnt know were still in me from lifes trauma…all bubbling up.
But heres the thing God whispered to me: You dont have to be the Rock. You just have to stand on ME.
We get overwhelmed because we forget that the battle is not ours to carry alone. God never asked us to be unshakable-he asked us to be connected to the One who IS.
And in the middle of it all I have realized something powerful: There is holy strength in simply not quitting. In showing up. In choosing not to pick up the old coping habits. In taking the next step even with shaky legs. In choosing faith over the fear running wild in your chest.
WHAT GOD HAS BEEN TEACHING ME
I/we can be overwhelmed and still be obidient. feelings dont disqualify faith. Your exhaustion doesnt cancel your calling. faith is proven in the steps you take WHILE youre scared, tired ,hutring, all the things.
God is working behind the scenes-especially when you cant see it. For my son, for me, for you, for all of us, Gods fingerprints are in rooms we havent even walked inot yet.
I am? allowed to be human-God is still God. You dont have to perform strength. you dont have to pretend youre fine. You don thave to hold every piece together. Your job, our job, my job is to LEAN. His job is to LIFT.
If youre reading this and youve had a year that tested your faith, stretched your soul or knocked the wind out of you-hear me clearly
THE MIRACLE ISNT THAT YOU AVOIDED THE STORM. THE MIRACLE IS THAT YOUR STILL STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. STILL STANDING STILL FIGHTING STILL BELIEVING.-THAT IS FAITH IN MOTION
FOR THOSE WHO LEAD, LOVE AND SERVE THROUGH THEIR OWN STORMS
Many of us show up for others while quietly breaking inside. We support families in crisis while our own families are walkign through fire. We give compassion from places that feel empty. We smile while carrying things no one else sees. But God doesnt only use the parts of us that feel strong. He uses the parts that feel stretched, scared and fragile too. Our tired presence matters. Our weary obidience still carries weight. Our survivak this year is part of our testimony.
PRAYER
Lord as we reflect on this year, meet us in the place that still ache. Lead us to the Rock that is higher than we are. Cover our children our families our homes. Heal what hurt us, restore what broke us and steady us for whats ahead. Thank you for holding us in the middle, even when we didnt know how to stand. In Jesus name Amen.
CLOSTING THOUGHT
You may feel like youve spent this year in the middle-but you and I have never been alone. God has carried, covered adn kept me and you, and if He held you through this year-He will lead you into the next one with strecgth purpose and peace. WE ARE HELD IN THE MIDDLE